Friday, October 19, 2007

More Doctor Who fan phrasebook material: Keith Topping has been busy again

Courtesy (of course) of the good people of Behind the Sofa*, comes this gem from Keith Topping. You remember last time? More of the brilliantly hilarious same people...

"And now on BBC one, more time-travelling adventures with Doctor Who. Record the whole series."
The schedulers will be arsing about with the start time over the course of the next month or so.

"Right now on BBC THREE, it's more of the Doctor..."
We've finally worn a hole in our tapes of "Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps Please".


Russell, just leave and cancel the new series NOW!
Yes, I spent the last sixteen years bitching and moaning, protesting outside the BBC and threatening to chain myself to their railings, writing angry letters to Points of View, plotting ways to firebomb Michael Grade's house and get away with it, smashing my TV set with a hammer on the front page of the tabloids, releasing unlistenable protest records and begging on my knees for someone to please, please, please, pretty please bring back Doctor Who, only to suddenly change my mind as soon as the show becomes popular again with people who are aren't me.

RTD can't write for toffee.
Uh-huh, I really did just suggest that one of the most respected writer/producers that British television has produced in two decades can't write because I - wretched done-nothing berk that I am - didn't like an example of his work.

RTD needs to quit!!!
I don't like his episodes. Even though a lot of people do. But I think I'm special and important, so I think the show should be written to my exact specifications.

And this one especially for MediumRob...
Murray Gold's music is too loud/intrusive/generally awful.
Ah, I remember Deadly Dudley Simpson with such fondness.


*Yes, I have no doubt that the Behind the Sofa design team have deliberately chosen the backdrop as the most anti-current Who fan-base pic imaginable...

They're still the bee's knees of funniness though...

1 comment:

MediumRob said...

Thing is, it's starting to get a bit like bullying, though, isn't it? It's one thing to mock other people's tendencies, another to downright insult.

"Wretched done-nothing berk that I am" - unless you're a major politician, Nobel prize/Oscar winner, member of the armed forces or have been volunteering overseas for years, most people would be hard pushed (even Keith, despite having written a load of books about tele. Really, is that truly important?) to justify their existence and to claim to have achieved something. I mean, heaven forfend that someone have an opinion and choose to express it in a public forum.

There's probably a thesis to be written about how Doctor Who fans in their 30s/40s who were mercilessly bullied at school take the opportunity now they have a modicum of power to bully members of their own sub-group because they know they'd still get a kicking if they tried it in the real world. I'm not going to write it though.

I do not remember Dudley Simpson that fondly, although he had his moments. I do remember Paddy Kingsland fondly, but I have a weakness for early 80s synth music.